comfort,security,friends
all of it is gone
I can feel the sun on my skin, it's warm and comforting, almost as nice as the warmth coming off of my girlfriend, she is the only thing that has made these past few weeks without my job bearable. My pillow has a miniature puddle of drool from the night before, I scoot my head ever so slightly to the side to avoid getting anything on me. At this moment my body feels to heavy and relaxed to move so I make the tough decision to stay in bed another fifteen minutes.
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK
"Whose, that babe?" Selina asked drearily. "I don't know, the mail man probably" I leave the room with a a shirt and under wear, the minimum amount I have to wear to hide the three slices of mac and cheese pizza I ate last night. I open the door to find a plane brown package on the edge of my porch. There were no labels on the package, but at this point I was more just upset about having to walk the extra few steps to edge of my porch. I bend over to pick up the package and then i hear it. KLINK I did not feel the tire iron hit my head but I did watch as the ground grow closer as I fell and hit my head for a second time on the concrete.
Gray, that's all I can see, nothing seems correct small shapes begin to form but they are heavily blurred and warped. I close my eyes and blink trying to will my vision back to normal. After a few flashes of my lids I am able to recognize some of my surroundings. Everything is white, there's a heavy smell of bleach in the air, as if they'd left a mop with it right next to the bed I am in. The blanket covering me is wet and smells, after a few moments I realize it's because I've been just left here. My mouth is dry and has a bad taste lingering, while my stomach feels as if it's about to implode from lack of food. I attempt to sit up but I'm quickly defeated by the multiple wires connect to my torso. I rip them off one by one, even lifting my hand feels like a struggle. This time when as I sit up my head instantly starts to spin, dizzy i collapse for a second time and then i feel it, it feels like wires on the back of my head, it wasn't hard to find because that entire area had been shaven off but i feel some hair growing back ,I think hard but i can remember nothing useful, the last thing i can remember is getting the mail and then blank. I open my mouth to call for a nurse but my mouth is so dry that it requires a great deal of effort to even open it and my throat has a feeling like there is a razor trapped inside. I can feel my heart beat growing faster as I begin to feel more helpless, I find the nurse call button but when i press it there is no sound, I wait a few seconds but there's nothing, not even a sound of walking throughout the halls, I must've pressed it ten times in a row I was so desperate to know what was going on.
I was to scared to disconnect the I.V. in my arm, the thought of me bleeding everywhere on top of this didn't seem ideal. So there I was walking around with a bag of what I assume is medicine. This time I get up slowly, using my I.V. as a cane I make it to the door, the fucking thing was almost too heavy to open but I managed to squeeze myself past.
When I turn around there it is. A giant blood stain. all on the wall and floor there were multiple smears of blood all leading down the hall and out the door. There is a sign over the door that says exit in red letters, however it is dimmed due to the lack of power. Wanting to leave this probably haunted hospital I decide to follow the stains. As I open the door I see it, rows and rows of orange bags all with stains and drag marks leading up to them. Luckily I am outside so I quickly walk the opposite direction and out of the hospital gates. That's when i see it, I realize i know this hospital, it was the kaiser i went to when i sprained my ankle three years ago. The outside looks the same as it ever did, red brick foundation with that off color white top. Even the streets look normal, there are a few broken shop windows and a crashed car in the Jefferson's tree. But I can't help this feeling like everything is normal, as if everyone's just gonna start driving down the street, or coming out of their houses and complain about their neighbor's dog's shit on their lawn.
I know the way home, I can recognize the Safeway where that homeless guy tried to "ride" my car. "Now I just have to find a car, and some damn water." I thought to myself determined to get back home and find my love. There are several cars out in the street and plenty of rocks to choose from, unfortunately as I'm sitting in the freshly robbed car I realize I have not the slightest idea on how to "Hot wire" a car. feeling around i find a panel under the steering wheel but there's no latch. after several punches knees and an accidentally struck "funny bone I had almost given up. after what felt like hours of searching I found a crow bar in the trunk of the car, this allowed me to easily pry open the feeling of victory vanished as I soon realized that I had no real Idea of how to start the car. I figured it might be like in the movies, just connect the wires. There were however several pairs, and with my luck I had shocked myself and caused smoke to come out of the hood. Defeated yet still determined to find a way back home I go for the car across the street, but again failure, two cars later and I'm down to only one combination possible for working, as connect the bronze innards of the wire I can hear the engine rev up and finally start. I check and there is a full tank of gas, unfortunately I'm in a hummer so I'll undoubtedly use the entire thing by the time I get to my home two miles away.
Passing through the streets I can't help but feel a certain sense of relaxation, there are no cars and no traffic laws for me to follow so that could have something to do with it, however it feels like something more, My home town feels peaceful, asleep, as if it were three in the morning but it is high noon. As I look at the passing poles I start to notice faces posted on the walls. As I looked closer I realized they were all missing persons, Many of them grown adults, which I never personally heard of anyone posting notices for a missing adult as they could most likely take care of themselves, however there were hundreds, I saw some repeats of the same faces on different walls, but there was a large diversity of people missing, men, women, children, all most likely dead, for all I know everyone could've been fucking raptured, but God doesn't bring people to heaven by killing them and putting them in orange bags first.
As I approach my house I can see there are still cars in the driveway, it seems like everyone could be home. Excited I park my car in the middle of the street and quickly waddle over to my front porch however I feel a strong pain in my arm. I just ripped out my I.V. by leaving it in the car. there is now a steady stream of blood running down my arm. I quickly go to the front door but no luck, it is locked. Panicked I run around back grab a rock and throw it at the window, shattering the glass, I reach in unlock the door and run to the kitchen to grab a rag for my bloody arm, As I go into the kitchen i spot the sink and immediately rush to the water. The water feels like a sort of baptism washing away all i had seen on the way over here. After my throat felt clear I shouted her name as loud as i could " Selina" "SELINA" but nothing, worried i run upstairs and that's where i find her, hanging near by the giant teddy bear I had gotten her and our pictures from inside that mall kiosk. My heart felt as if it had just disappeared from my body, nothing seemed right, as if I was in a sort of nightmare but i could not wake up. Kneeling at her swaying feet and sobbing i repeatedly pinched myself hoping It would somehow wake me up, but nothing. After several minutes of hysterical crying I fly into a rage breaking all everything, I run downstairs, looking for something, anything to tell me what's happened, there i see it lying plainly on the dining room table is a newspaper, and on the front in all capital letters it read "WATER SUPPLY CONTAMINATED" as i read the article it became clear that it was all speculation. I put the newspaper down when and when I look up I see it, the sink where I had chugged water not ten minutes prior. Realizing that I was a dead man didn't feel so bad, as i already felt dead inside, knowing this actually brought me some peace, So I decided to go upstairs and be with the one I loved,
I cut the rope holding her body and laid it down into the bed where we had once slept many warm and loving nights together. As i gazed at her lifeless body while binge eating sleeping pills and pudding I found in the fridge I noticed something sticking out her breast pocket, I laid my head next to hers as i looked at a picture of the two of us when we first started dating in high school,tears rolling down the sides of my head i start to recall that day when we were soaking wet from the rain but still decided to go into the mall for ice cream, It was a nice thought and as i was laying there i felt my eyes growing heavier from the pills, I turned the picture over to find writing I struggled to read as i felt my mind growing darker and darker but i managed to read
"Please, don't wake up."
I was to scared to disconnect the I.V. in my arm, the thought of me bleeding everywhere on top of this didn't seem ideal. So there I was walking around with a bag of what I assume is medicine. This time I get up slowly, using my I.V. as a cane I make it to the door, the fucking thing was almost too heavy to open but I managed to squeeze myself past.
When I turn around there it is. A giant blood stain. all on the wall and floor there were multiple smears of blood all leading down the hall and out the door. There is a sign over the door that says exit in red letters, however it is dimmed due to the lack of power. Wanting to leave this probably haunted hospital I decide to follow the stains. As I open the door I see it, rows and rows of orange bags all with stains and drag marks leading up to them. Luckily I am outside so I quickly walk the opposite direction and out of the hospital gates. That's when i see it, I realize i know this hospital, it was the kaiser i went to when i sprained my ankle three years ago. The outside looks the same as it ever did, red brick foundation with that off color white top. Even the streets look normal, there are a few broken shop windows and a crashed car in the Jefferson's tree. But I can't help this feeling like everything is normal, as if everyone's just gonna start driving down the street, or coming out of their houses and complain about their neighbor's dog's shit on their lawn.
I know the way home, I can recognize the Safeway where that homeless guy tried to "ride" my car. "Now I just have to find a car, and some damn water." I thought to myself determined to get back home and find my love. There are several cars out in the street and plenty of rocks to choose from, unfortunately as I'm sitting in the freshly robbed car I realize I have not the slightest idea on how to "Hot wire" a car. feeling around i find a panel under the steering wheel but there's no latch. after several punches knees and an accidentally struck "funny bone I had almost given up. after what felt like hours of searching I found a crow bar in the trunk of the car, this allowed me to easily pry open the feeling of victory vanished as I soon realized that I had no real Idea of how to start the car. I figured it might be like in the movies, just connect the wires. There were however several pairs, and with my luck I had shocked myself and caused smoke to come out of the hood. Defeated yet still determined to find a way back home I go for the car across the street, but again failure, two cars later and I'm down to only one combination possible for working, as connect the bronze innards of the wire I can hear the engine rev up and finally start. I check and there is a full tank of gas, unfortunately I'm in a hummer so I'll undoubtedly use the entire thing by the time I get to my home two miles away.
Passing through the streets I can't help but feel a certain sense of relaxation, there are no cars and no traffic laws for me to follow so that could have something to do with it, however it feels like something more, My home town feels peaceful, asleep, as if it were three in the morning but it is high noon. As I look at the passing poles I start to notice faces posted on the walls. As I looked closer I realized they were all missing persons, Many of them grown adults, which I never personally heard of anyone posting notices for a missing adult as they could most likely take care of themselves, however there were hundreds, I saw some repeats of the same faces on different walls, but there was a large diversity of people missing, men, women, children, all most likely dead, for all I know everyone could've been fucking raptured, but God doesn't bring people to heaven by killing them and putting them in orange bags first.
As I approach my house I can see there are still cars in the driveway, it seems like everyone could be home. Excited I park my car in the middle of the street and quickly waddle over to my front porch however I feel a strong pain in my arm. I just ripped out my I.V. by leaving it in the car. there is now a steady stream of blood running down my arm. I quickly go to the front door but no luck, it is locked. Panicked I run around back grab a rock and throw it at the window, shattering the glass, I reach in unlock the door and run to the kitchen to grab a rag for my bloody arm, As I go into the kitchen i spot the sink and immediately rush to the water. The water feels like a sort of baptism washing away all i had seen on the way over here. After my throat felt clear I shouted her name as loud as i could " Selina" "SELINA" but nothing, worried i run upstairs and that's where i find her, hanging near by the giant teddy bear I had gotten her and our pictures from inside that mall kiosk. My heart felt as if it had just disappeared from my body, nothing seemed right, as if I was in a sort of nightmare but i could not wake up. Kneeling at her swaying feet and sobbing i repeatedly pinched myself hoping It would somehow wake me up, but nothing. After several minutes of hysterical crying I fly into a rage breaking all everything, I run downstairs, looking for something, anything to tell me what's happened, there i see it lying plainly on the dining room table is a newspaper, and on the front in all capital letters it read "WATER SUPPLY CONTAMINATED" as i read the article it became clear that it was all speculation. I put the newspaper down when and when I look up I see it, the sink where I had chugged water not ten minutes prior. Realizing that I was a dead man didn't feel so bad, as i already felt dead inside, knowing this actually brought me some peace, So I decided to go upstairs and be with the one I loved,
I cut the rope holding her body and laid it down into the bed where we had once slept many warm and loving nights together. As i gazed at her lifeless body while binge eating sleeping pills and pudding I found in the fridge I noticed something sticking out her breast pocket, I laid my head next to hers as i looked at a picture of the two of us when we first started dating in high school,tears rolling down the sides of my head i start to recall that day when we were soaking wet from the rain but still decided to go into the mall for ice cream, It was a nice thought and as i was laying there i felt my eyes growing heavier from the pills, I turned the picture over to find writing I struggled to read as i felt my mind growing darker and darker but i managed to read
"Please, don't wake up."
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